I don't know if it's the pending move that continues to loom closer (yet I continue to deny), the new little canine member of our family, the half marathon this weekend, or the holidays rapidly approaching, but I'm suddenly feeling like I have a lot on my plate. Wait, did I forget to mention the new house we're building? I probably didn't because that's not very stressful.
I am one of those people who shuts down when there's too much going on. As a matter of fact, one of the ways I know I'm feeling overwhelmed is that I start wandering aimlessly around the house doing a little of this, a little of that, and not really accomplishing anything. Poor Jake had to do laundry all day last Saturday because I simply didn't have the focus to see it to completion. I feel scattered, flustered, and foggy in my brain. And I'm sure the Halloween candy/birthday cake/other various junk foods in my house, and thus in my body, are not helping.
Now, more than ever, I"m feeling the need to SIMPLIFY.
But for some reason I have this unreasonable emotional attachment to STUFF. I was going through the kid's old baby blankets with the aim to get rid of ALL but the most precious.
I didn't get rid of any. Oh, because someone made this one, or I thought it had pretty colors, or Aunt Laura brought this one home from the Holy Land...or whatever.
That's just one example, and I don't really know why I'm putting all of this out there except to say that something is wrong with me. And I'm sure part of it is that while I'm excited to move, I am also devastated to leave the wonderful friends that I've made here, and also to drag my kids away from their first real "friends in the 'hood". I feel guilty, unsure, and lost much of the time, and to make matters worse, I haven't really processed those feelings.
I'm not just denying the move, see? I'm also denying my sadness and apprehension; hoping it will all go away. But it won't. Moving day will come, and it will be time to start all over again. It's terrifying and wonderfully exciting all at the same time.
And then in the middle of this post I had to go clean up vomit in Lily's crib. Looks like the dreaded stomach flu finally found the Bracken's.
I don't want this to sound like I'm complaining, I'm just feeling the need to vent this anxiety I'm having. Maybe doing so will help me set some feelings aside in blog form so I can actually get some work done.
Lily just threw up again. And you wonder why I can't put two thoughts together.
So if you see me wandering the streets looking for home (wherever that is), just call Jake and have him come get me.
But put clothes on me first and make sure to wipe off the drool. Must keep up appearances for the new neighbors.
I should probably say neighbor. But Brett's really judgemental, so it's best to be careful.:)
6 comments:
i don't even know how to comment to that.
I WISH YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO!!!
(I am saying that as I lay on the floor kicking and screaming)
All of the anxiety you are explaining is totally pushing down on me too. Except in an opposite manner I think.
You're bummed out that you are moving away from the awesomeness that IS your current neighborhood. And no doubt, it will be great again... someday. But, how great can it be when there are 2 whole residents in the new development.
I'm bummed that I can't sell this darn house because (1) the market is in the crapper, and (2) the street that I live on IS THE CRAPPER... and I HATE my neighbors. On the other hand, I love my area... and I love my ward. And, if I lived 2 streets up, I might be laying on the floor... kicking and screaming, "I don't wanna go!"
Here I sit. Paying for a lot I can't build on until I sell this house that no one wants. On the plus side... my birthday PAR-TAY is tomorrow, and I'm on a big sugar rush right now since I taste tested a bunch of mixed drinks so that I can write up the "drink list." See. Check out that run-on sentence.
I had planned on kicking back and wrestling with the kiddos today. But Jared called and told me that someone was looking at the house at 4pm. The house was trashed... so I spent the rest of today speed cleaning. It was nice that someone was coming to look... although they didn't seem the least bit interested. And it's nice that the house is clean, so that I don't have to clean it for the party tomorrow. But I ended up being bitter with my kids all day, and now I feel like a bad mom.
See, I guess we all have our struggles. Sorry, that I pouted all over your venting post. I guess I just needed to vent too! And now I feel better. Sort of. Maybe not.
BUT, the MAIN REASON I commented is because you commented on MY blog, and I LOVED your post, and it made my day! And I wanted to say, that you don't need to win a free shoot and cards to get me to take your family picture. We just need to go out to the new hood one day and take pictures of each other. I'm in desperate need. I haven't had a family picture since I was preggo with Calvin I think. And the picture was blurry... so I never had it printed big. I just got wallets (lol). AND I wanted to say, that if you don't win... I'd still love to design you a card (or you can use one of the already designed ones) and I can have them printed up for cost. Just let me know what you want to do.
((This is me giving you cyber hugs))
Hey Beks, forgive me for being so negligent in keeping up with the fam.
I don't understand why everyone is moving! You, Katie, us... Well I get why we did it (job). Moving sucks.
Oh and BTW, yay for the marathons! As I sit here unable to see my toes for the bump that is (mostly) baby I'm fairly jealous of your ability to walk without waddling, let alone run marathons...
On the upside, you get to decorate a new house and that can be fun.
PS Check us out on idahobecky.blogspot.com
I'm totally still on the "moving sucks" train with you. And even though we have moved, we are still in limbo because of our crappy situation. But such is life huh?
Do you know where you are going while your house is being built (the last pictures still showed a dirt lot...unless your floors are dirt and then I would think that you need to be institutionalized. Anyway...where are you going?
From my perspective, anxiety is anxiety no matter what. Feeling overwhelmed isn't going to go away until you get it all done (or someone else does...luckily you have Jake).
In regards to the STUFF department, I know how you are feeling my friend. I think that Jeff and I sold at lest 50% of the contents of our house when we moved and we still have a 10x10 storage shed that is filled with STUFF! But we also don't have kids or sentimental memories beyond pictures at this point. So I don't have a lot of help for you there.
But I do have a suggestion about the baby blankets...if you don't want to "throw them out" then get them cleaned and donate them to PCMC or DRMC for the kids who are sick. PCMC is always taking blankets as they give one to every single patient who is admitted to the hospital.
Just some ideas. I wish that I was there to give you a hand or just a hug or even get you some much needed ice cream...
Ugh - Moving is hard. My sister just moved last weekend, my other sister is moving the first week of December...looks like from other comments here that moving is just what everyone is doing right now! I moved like 18 times growing up - so I think I'll sit tight a while longer. I'm glad you'll be at Lynda's place when we visit so my kids have guaranteed friends to play with (till your place is done at least). I love you, I wish you great luck in breathing in and out, putting one foot in front of the other, and living day to day (maybe hour to hour) till things come together and slow down. Mmmwwaaahhh!
You're lucky!! Since there's so much wind out here, it attracts a very tolerant sort of people. I love it out here! I know you'll be missing friends though! (I totally shut down when I have too much on my plate. The wandering from thing to thing without accomplishing anything sounded very familiar!!) Sorry Lily is throwing up!
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