happy 2008!

I'm up late listening to the neighbors celebrate outside...that's about as much excitement as I contribute to New Years.

Just got home from a good-ol' time at the Campbell's and I got these cute shots of Lily and Calvin; only they're really grainy. Which is funny since I'd just got done telling Amy, "Oh, I kind of like the grain and artifact of high ISO shots..." (only imagine it in a high, sing-songy voice...because that's how we talk, right?)

And then I looked at these and I was all, crap. These suck.

I just have to say that what appears on the screen on my camera is a VERY POOR representation of what I am actually shooting.

That's all I'm going to say.

SO, without further delay, here are the shots of Lily and Calvin, poorly rendered in photoshop to appear as though I MEANT to have them look this way out of artistic preference, and despite all of that, still looking cute because of the darling subject matter.

And may these upload quickly because I'm sure I'm the only loser blogging at 12:17am on January 1, 2008.

WOO HOO!

Aren't they just too cute with their matching blankies?

post script:

holy cow, Mom, I just tried green drink with blueberries and oranges. YUMMY!!

official proof that I'm "losing it"

Lily was dressed like this for 30 full seconds before I realized I'd put her in Alex's P.J.s.

Seriously, what happens from here? Does anyone know?

Do I commit myself to a home now or wait until I start shampooing with deodorant?

Christmas!

This post is a tad picture-heavy so you'll have to forgive me.

We had such a great Christmas. It really was nice and fairly relaxing as compared to previous years. Lily was teething like a mad-woman, poor girl, but other than that it was really fun. Fun to see Andy and Melissa and their adorable little Abby, fun to have Christmas Eve dinner with the Sullivans and the Quilters, and just great fun to enjoy the day with my little Bracken Family Unit.Lily was hitting the chocolate table a little heavy all night. I had to drive home.Dinner was SO yummy at the Ron and Lynda's.

When we got to my mom's house I just shot pictures of babies babies babies!
My mom's wreath
This was the "gift of the day" for Alex.
Here's Lily's
Oh Abby, you beautiful thing! This one's out of focus, but I love it anyway. Beautiful blue eyes!

I've just been filled with so much love for my family this week. I guess that's what the Christmas season is all about (Charlie Brown)...feelin' the love. And I know that it's the kind of awesome, everlasting, fill-you-up love that comes from the Savior during the time that we celebrate His birth.

I'm just so grateful for that.

on hills above Bethlehem...

This is my first attempt at uploading video, so I hope this works.

Alex did a nativity puppet show on Christmas Eve at both Grandparents' houses, and this was by far the least silly of the two. When we'd practiced he didn't have nearly as much memorized, but he surprised me during the performance by reciting the last half himself.

And so, as a follow up to his "First Thanksgiving Recitation" (which I was not smart enough to record) and without further adu;

The First Christmas:




And yes, my package got here in time, and yes, I will post pictures soon. When it takes 3 days to figure out how to post a video because you're a MORON it leaves precious little time for anything else:).

I just keep hitting refresh...

As if at some point it will say..."doorbell ring imminent".

Lily

mmmkay, so I tried to get a picture of Lily today in her cute little Christmas dress, and I don't know what Sundays are like at your house, but at ours there seems to be a lot of swearing and yelling and general driving-away-of-the-spirit, so this was as good as I got...

I don't know what it is about Sundays, but right before church is the absolute most HECTIC time of the week. I've literally had hangnails that are more pleasant than most of the pre-church experiences we've had since the kids came along. Once we get to church I'm so glad I'm there, but getting there is like trying throw two strung-out cats into a bathtub--because IT'S FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!

There's just lots of scratching and biting involved.

So tonight I took a couple of relaxed shots of Lily. She may not be in her cute little dress, but these are totally her. (Although I need to capture her face and eyes one of these days...haven't done that for a while.)

Dirty socks...

Crooked piggies--these really make me smile:) And lastly, one I took the other morning as she was still sleeping. I must have been really tired the night before, because of all the bedtime rituals we have, I don't usually forget to take off her shoes...

And if you're wondering where Alex's cute little Christmas outfit is...well...He is, shall we say, particular about what he'll wear. So we let him pick out his own clothes, within reason; and he chose not to wear his Christmas clothes today. Which is fine since he barley tolerates the camera anymore anyway. So no pictures of him today...

ok, so it's been a while since I've been caught-up on laundry...

so when I got to the bottom of a very large heap, this is what I found:






She also routinely throws dishes away in the garbage.

It really makes me wonder what she's tossed in the toilet...

Actually, both kids have been quite the curious little munchkins lately. I was shooting some pictures of Alex doing an art project, and right before I took the picture He got this far-away look in his eyes as he slowly raised the scissors up to his hair.

The look on his face speaks volumes about what is going on inside his head...

Hmmm, what would happen if I....

Needless to say, we had a little talk about NOT playing beauty parlor with Avery.

(also see here)

And just to make this a completely random post, here's a picture of Lily.

I love this photo even though her hand is out of focus. maybe it's the little spiral in her hair or the look in her eye...I don't know.

And here's a pretty typical picture of Alex and Lily together...
I don't know what she did, but I'm sure she had it comin'.

the spirit of Christmas

Doesn't this Christmas tree look exactly like a bar code?
Well, it did to me; which is appropriate seeing as how that has been my view of Christmas this year. I'm just starting to feel the pressure of making sure everyone is happy and cheerful, but I'm really not feeling it myself. I'm happy enough, I'm just not feeling the magic, you know?
So when I went visiting teaching yesterday at my neighbor's house and she showed me her son's letter to Santa, it went straight into my Christmas-starved heart.

I will type it out exactly as it is:

Corbys' Christmas List

1. dirt bike color red love corby

2. pet bunny with caje love corby

3. only theres things just the thing on this paper bring me

4. but maybe just one of them other kidsneed more

5. if you made some toys all redy give them it ifyou fill like

6. I didet get a nuff I did they the home lis people dident they

7. need more I don't care that I dident wake up on Christmas with

8. tow toys I will no that I helpt por people get more toys I whont be

9. sad cos evry one has more toys than me I will be happy por people

10. will have more toys I will no that the por people got more and I helpt

11. and that will be the best Christmas of my live and that day would be

12. the best of all as I live

merry Christmas write back love corby.

If that does not melt your heart than it must be made of stone.

I just cried when I read that. Do I have that spirit? Apparently not. I suddenly want to go run out and find some "home lis" people to share with.

So I sat down with Alex to write a letter to Santa and it went something like this:

Dear Santa:

I would like a lightsaber for Christmas. And buy some stuff for some poor people too.

Love, Alex

I helped with the last part.

I guess we still have a ways to go.

beauty salon

There are at least 4 reasons why I love this picture:
My favorite reason is the fact that it captures a daddy who thought that his baby girl's hair was a wee bit tangled from her bath and decided it needed a good brushing. For some reason, walking in to find this makes me feel like Lily is the luckiest girl in the world.

It really is the small things, don't you think?

crying tears made out of snow

Do you ever have one of those days where you're cooped up with the kids all day because it's raining, and the great trip you planned will probably be cancelled because of this:



We still might go; we're going to see what the weather looks like tomorrow, but I'm pretty bummed right now.



It doesn't help that Lily was up quite a bit last night because her cold wouldn't let her breathe. It was really great because as soon as I had her upright she would feel better and start "honking" my nose (which is her new favorite game.) Really cute at 8am...not so cute at 12am. I am super spoiled right now because my kids are sleeping through the night and staying in their own beds pretty reliably these days. So last night was a bit of a shock to the old system, if ya knowhatamean.

You can't really see in this picture, but he's got all the creature comforts with him...a flashlight, a book, and a soccer trophy to keep watch for bad guys. We went in to check on him an hour or so after putting him to bed and he was rummaging around in his closet in the dark looking for a flashlight. So we brought him one, left the room, and this is what became of it.
At least he's in bed.
Well anyway, this is kind of random, but there you have it. I'll be dreaming of a dry weekend with well kids and lots of exciting diversions.
It might be a lot to wish for, but this is the season of miracles, right??

Here's to your great day!!

Yours and mine...

strongly favoring her right side

This is how Lily woke up from her nap and it cracked me up how obvious it was which side she slept on. I just had to take a picture of it.

making my day

We went out to Sand Hollow today and someone left the sprinklers on. The result was this amateur photographer's playground. The contrast between the ice and the desert was so very cool. I cannot emphasize enough how much fun this was. I like taking portraits and all, but I love this funky landscape stuff.

Like an icy hand is trying to snuff out the last green of this plant...

X-ray

Trapped

wheel

still

Beyond the ice field...

half

ice spider (that one was Olivia's name...)

melting

ice fall



And now, because you're probably freezing because of all that ice, here's something hot...

commiserating

For some reason my body has decided that right before I start my period my back needs to get all jacked-up to the point that inhaling oxygen is just exactly like having a thousand tiny daggers inserted one-by-one up my vertebral column. As I was explaining this to Jake, who, as you all know, has back problems that make my little monthly tweak seem like Tuesday at Disneyland; I was given a little insight into what he deals with every day.

Me: "Great merciful crap, Jacob, my back is so screwed up! It hurts to comb my hair. It hurts to breathe!

Jake: I know exactly what you mean! The worst is blinking or moving your eyeballs. I hate that!

Silence.

stereotype: boy

digging through the mud

I wasn't going to blog about this...or really ever speak of it again, but I read a post by dooce about her battle with depression and anxiety and how medication has literally saved her life, and it got me thinking again about that dark time of my life that was my last pregnancy. And the only reason I am dragging this out of the mud is that I realized in her honesty that more people need to be talking about this.

I don't know if anyone besides my husband really knows how hard that time was and, for me, it is the #1 reason why I went straight to my Dr. for my 6 week checkup and immediately had an IUD put in. I am not saying any of this to be dramatic or get attention for myself; all I know is that I was an incredibly happy person until I hit the 20 week mark of my last pregnancy, and then I actually remember the exact moment when my world came crashing down. I was vacuuming my floor-right by the stairs-and I suddenly had this wave of sadness overtake me. I set the vacuum down (still on) and thought, "I am depressed." It was like a lead weight was placed upon my shoulders and my life stopped, while everyone else's life just kept whizzing by. I would try to keep up but that overwhelming sadness just would overpower me. I think people knew something was wrong. Friends would invite me to do things or come over and visit, but I just couldn't take it. The most difficult part was that I couldn't help it and I couldn't stop it-no matter how bad I, or anyone else, wanted it.

I think the thing that made the anxiety so bad was that I felt all alone. I called LDS social services just to see if I could talk to someone, but I was told that their therapists didn't really deal with pregnant women. ( I still don't get that). I told my Dr. that I was having dark thoughts and he told me that it was probably just hormones and that I should wait it out. There were also no medication options for me because I was pregnant. In the long run I'm so grateful that I have not had to take any medication for depression, but at the time I was so desperate, and I felt like I was understanding what "harming yourself or others" felt like.

Looking back, I'm so shocked I was not taken more seriously. I was able to get through all of that with prayer, a wonderful, patient husband and a mom who would call and check on me every day. I am also a stronger person because of it, no question. But how do you let a patient come into your office and tell you she wants to end her pregnancy and turn her away without any help? I guess the whole reason I want to say all of this is for the sake of awareness. I am so blessed that once Lily was born that lead weight was lifted and has never come back. But what about others who are not so lucky? What about other pregnant women who are sad during "the happiest time of their lives?" We hear a lot about post-partum depression, but why is there nothing for women who get depressed during their pregnancies? A support group--something!

I want to say, also , that I am not ashamed of any of this. It is part of the truth that is my life. It's part of who I am and it's something I now draw strength from-the fact that I overcame it. But I do not want to ever downplay the hopeless low of depression. If you've never felt it, and I hope you never do, than you can't possibly understand...I sure didn't. But through it I have felt the love and hope of the Savior; and with that I feel like I can do anything.

I know this has been a ramble...but if you've read this far, thank you. I needed to say this.

knitty gritty

My first felted project...

Oh fer cute!

It's supposed to be, I think, a little wavier than this, but I think it's kind of cool. I might just make more.

And now for something completely unrelated...

I took a picture of my cute little neighbor today and I just had to share it.

Isn't she adorable? And those green eyes are so gorgeous!

And she cut those bangs herself...

That's all for now.

tagged, I've been

seven random things, I'll state
Stop talking like Yoda, I will...

1) I think the one thing I can say about myself is that I love to learn new things. I get so excited over new projects and hobbies that it's practically an illness. I love to quilt, sew, knit, crochet, do woodworking, scrapbook, blog (which to me are the same thing), exercise, take photographs, and I would LOVE to take up pottery.
Just gotta find myself a potters wheel.
and lots of dedicated space.

2)I have taught myself to play (though not proficiently) the piano, accordion, violin, guitar, triangle, and a little bit of mandolin and electric bass.

OK, I just threw the triangle in there, but how hard could it be?

3)Inspired by Amy's random things, I will mention the pets I had as a kid:
I raised silkworms in my bedroom.
And, no, that's not like the triangle thing...I really did. From eggs to moths.
It was really quite enriching.
And I had a dog.

4)My favorite band right now is OK GO, but I've also been listening to a lot of New Pornographers.
Who are neither new nor pornographic.
though I have never seen them in concert so I can't state that with 100% confidence.

5)As hard as I try I can't get into the holiday spirit even though I've had my tree up since Thanksgiving weekend.

6)Something that people may not know is that I've always felt a little bit like a misfit in St. George. I don't know why and it's nobody's fault, but there it is.

7)I just finished reading the Memory Keepers Daughter by Kim Edwards.
It was fantastic. Has anyone else read it?
I just started Love in the Time of Cholera. Hope it's good.

learning to distrust elderly women

"This is chocolate!" gasped Hansel as he broke a lump of plaster from the wall. "And this is icing!" exclaimed Gretel, putting another piece of wall in her mouth. Starving but delighted, the children began to eat pieces of candy broken off the cottage.
They were just about to try a piece of the biscuit door when it quietly swung open. "Well, well!" said an old woman, peering out with a crafty look. "And haven't you children a sweet tooth?"

there is a snowstorm today in a very hot place...

Just randomly got in the mood to scrapbook.

Here's what I came up with...

It's very simple and un-adorned.

Kind of like me.