Confessions of an Almost Child-Abuser; or, How the Tickle Monster Saved Our Family. By Beka Bracken

How are Sunday mornings at your house?

Cheerful? Happy? Organized with clothes pressed and meals made and smiling, happy faces lined up and ready to get in the car and go to church?

Mine either.

And honestly, I'm wondering if Sundays with children will be my Abrahamic trial in life. OK, that's probably a bit dramatic, but I struggle. I really do. And every Sunday morning I wake up and vow that it's going to be different. I promise myself that I won't lose my temper, that I will be more organized, that I will even lower my already rock-bottom standards, if that's what it will take to give everyone a good Sunday experience.

But there's a long time between when I wake up, and 1:00, when church finally starts. About 6 hours to let the frustration build and build until I finally explode. Six hours of fights over food, toys, and not wanting to get dressed. 2 meals, 2 kids to get ready, and 1 missed nap later, and we're all at the end of our rope.

And there's nothing on the horizon but 3 hours of church.

Don't get me wrong. I love going to church. I truly do. Once I am there I enjoy my meetings thoroughly and I always take something away that I needed. I have a testimony of the gospel and I want with all my heart to follow the prophet and to be a good example to my kids.

But some weeks it's just hard to get there.

This week, after just waking up and still in bed, Alex declared that he was not going to church today. But I figured I had 6 hours to talk him down, so I didn't make a big deal out of it. But as the morning wore on, it became clear to me that he'd put a lot of thought into a new lifestyle for himself that didn't include a weekly dose of getting dressed in his Sunday best and sitting through Sacrament meeting. When I said that we'd just leave him at home he said, "OK." When I explained that it was where God wanted him to be, he said, "No it isn't". And when I calmly told him that "this is what we do as a family. When you have a family of your own you can do whatever you want" he threw a toy at me.

This is where we put away Kind, Patient Mommy, and bring out Bad, Angry Mommy. Because by now we were about 4 1/2 hours into Sunday, and my kindness well had dried up.

With that said, we'll fast-forward about 20 minutes and go from there. I will just say that it was about 45 minutes until go-time, and I had to go apologize to my little boy.

And after all the hugs and kisses and "Mommy was wrong"s, I had to figure out a way to get him dressed.

That's when my fingers got a little twitchy. And within minutes, I had morphed into a horrible, monstrous beast. Only this time, instead of anger and pride, my ammunition was fearsome, deadly tickles for ALL little boys who weren't dressed and ready for church.

And it totally worked, and I totally wish I would have thought of it earlier.

And now that the Tickle Monster has tickled human flesh, there will be no stopping her terrible tickle reign for any children who don't behave...

fashionista

I think Lily is becoming a leading contendor in "Best Dressed--2008" right behind Hannah and Katelyn. You just can't go wrong with a pair of rain boots.

Seattle...part two. No words. Just big pictures.

April, this one is payback for a certain photo posted of me in a tie-dyed shirt on your blog.(I wish the shirt was the worst part.)

Seattle part one. day one. act one.

I am the luckiest girl in the world...


So lucky to grow up where I did, when I did, and with these girls...

Like my big picture? I just altered the entire layout of my blog so this one picture would fit. So be sure to admire it.


Thank you Amanda for giving us a great weekend in Seattle! Thanks for letting us be an influence on your children (not everyone would), for driving us all over Seattle (Just like Auburn), and for letting us yell, "Let me be your bicycle seat!" to unsuspecting cyclists at random.

It was just like old times...minus April hanging her bra out of the car window, the stalking of hot males, and I'm pretty sure no one stole anything at Denny's.

Other than that, just like old times!



We didn't waste any time digging through old photographs...And we saw some sights...ooops, how'd this get in here?I seem to remember a similar one from my wedding reception pictures. Remember those desposable cameras we put everywhere? This really narrows it down for me. Thank you.

If you at all shy away from slightly suggestive photographs, you might want to just scroll on past this next one...This seriously crazy woman was dancing to the curb-side entertainment at the Space Needle.The sign to the right of her reads, "WOW, it's made in Seattle."



Indeed.If you look closely, you'll see that she's a little cross-eyed. This picture was taken around the time she bore her testimony to us about the benefits of dance and being free. These people were everywhere. It was awesome.Amanda took us to this garden in the middle of the city.This is Pikes Place. All the fruits, vegetables and flowers were amazing!Oh, and the potholders... I so would have bought this if I didn't think I'd have to explain it to Alex and Lily. I can't wait until I'm old and eccentric.Ok, so April thought it's be really cool to slide in on a picture that this guy was taking of this other guy, so a few minutes later, guess who came to find us wanting an encore?Look how excited they are to get a picture of the cute red-headed American? (Carl, it's best if you stop reading now.)





Oh creapy...Here are Sarah and April trying desperately to fit in to the culture in downtown Seattle.And this is...well, I don't know what we're doing here.Every now and then I would find a cool wall and I'd grab someone for a picture. Seattle is the best city to take pictures in. There is something interesting everywhere you go.Then we went to the movies (I highly reccomend Get Smart. It was hilarious) and then Denny's for old times sake. OK. That was just one day.



We will resume the adventures of "Crazy Camera Lady Let Loose in Seattle" tomorrow.



Or sometime soon.



I have lots of emberrassing pictures.