month 18

Well, here we are...month 18. And this, my Lily, has been the month of tantrums. And darling, I know you've been teething and you've been sick a little, but sometimes I wonder if you've been possessed by some evil that is determined to torment me. And I want my mother to know that I FULLY understand now why my crib (with me still as an occupant) was moved into the garage at about this age.

(I wish I could be a fly on the wall when my mom reads that because she will no doubt scream to no one in particular-- IT WAS A FINISHED GARAGE! But I guess I just still like to torment her a little...

But seriously, I get it.)

Putting you to bed, Lily, is like unleashing the banshees. You could be perfectly calm and happy as can be, but as soon as I place you in your crib you scream like there is blood coming out of your ears.

And I know there's not because I've checked.

And you keep on screaming and screaming. Jake has suggested that perhaps Alex is standing at the side of your crib whispering "tonight I will kill you while you sleep", because we can't decide what else would explain such an unholy, continuous noise. Yet each morning we are reassured in that you wake up happy and cheerful after a good night's rest, which is one thing we are very grateful for. You may not like to go to bed, but once you're asleep you stay that way all night, and that is no small thing.

You are also quite the little architect of mischief. I saw some lovely Lily drawings on the wall today but couldn't find the marker anywhere. It wasn't until hours later when I saw you reach into a cupboard to retrieve it that I realized you had put it away for safe keeping...you know, just in case I came snooping around for something like that.

And then there's the separation anxiety. I know that one day you will leave me to move out on your own and I will miss the snuggle days, but right now mommy is having a hard time getting things done. I mean the knitting and quilting are just PILING UP over here. Sheesh.

I know that all of the tantrums are just part of the lovely toddler stages as you oscillate between craving independence and needing your mother. Actually, much of what I see in you is exactly like looking right into a mirror.

Stay with me, here.

You are A LOT like me, it's turning out. I'm noticing it in the way you have to have your hands in everything (hello, I think I'll replace a garbage disposal BY MYSELF). Much of your curiosity and investigative spirit is, I think inherited from me. Or at least the way you go about your learning. I guess I just can look back now and see how I must have driven my parents insane with all of the teaching myself to drive and the "wanting to learn to fix my car myself" that went on at our house. I see that in you. This desire not only to learn, but to do.

It's honestly something I didn't realize about myself until you came along. Or at least I didn't know how well it was woven into the fabric of my genes. And it's a good thing. I'm glad that this is who you are. You should never be bored in your life. There is SO MUCH out there to learn and to try, and you'll never get through it all. That, to me, is one of the best things about life. And if you don't feel like you're good at something, it's OK because learning is forever. Your intelligence is really spectacular that way. Every day is an opportunity to grow and be better.

And THAT is what I see in you the most.