new year's resolution...

stop the vain belief that anything and everything can be put into the garbage disposal, and that once there it magically passes undeterred through the pipes that I don't consider in the least.

I think that after yesterday this is one goal I can keep.

However, I can't fairly carry all of the blame. I, for one, blame Dr. OZ for his green drink recipe full of all manner of yummy and fibrous fruits and vegetables, and while my mouth may still prefer chocolate, my body is ADDICTED to this wonderful, energizing drink. It is, therefore, my savior and my curse. I don't have a picture, because I figured you could do without seeing it, but if you will imagine cucumber peelings, soggy spinach, half chewed-up carrots, and strings of celery welling up into the sink...well, you get the idea.

I guess after a couple of months of the Dr. OZ diet my disposal kind of ate it...well, I guess "eating it" isn't the right metaphor. It's a closer description to say that it "threw up" the Dr. OZ diet.

So I went to Home Depot by my very own self to get a new disposal, and when I got home I was determined to replace it myself...just because I'm kind of INSANE like that. I figured I'm better at reading instructions than most men, so I got right to it. I disconnected the pipes, cleaned out the gunk, and started to detach the disposal. However, what they don't put on the materials list is "biceps able to lift VW bug". I guess they figured it would be a man doing the plumbing in the house. Chauvinists!

So, anyway, Jake was in bed with the stomach flu, but I guess he heard the grunting and swearing and came out and helped me get it out, and then my wonderful dad came over and helped me with the rest. And here is where I cannot say enough about my dad. I know that he had an entire day's worth of things to do yesterday, but he came right over and spent 3 hours at my house installing the blasted blankity-blank, which was nowhere near as easy to put in as was touted on the box. I know that because I have helped him put in a disposal before. Yes, in a house I lived in before. And again, yes, for the same reason.

But this time I made a resolution!

So I just have to give a big shout out to my dad...DAD! because I keep trying to think of a way I can repay him, and I can't think of a one. (I just don't know any parents who accept payment for services rendered to their children...well, except me, of course. I have been adding up the tally since my first charlie horse during my pregnancy with Alex. And I think I can safely say that they will never catch up to the interest if they don't start making payments soon...)

Aaaaanyway, the result of all of this garbage (pun intended) is that I have now installed under my sink an Insinkerator Evolution Excell which quietly and unassumingly grinds up my food waste with 350 horses of goodness. OK, it's only 1 HP, but I feel like I'm in a car commercial here. And while it should be able to handle anything I throw at it (ho ho, ladies and gentlemen, she'll be here all night!) I'm still going to be very conservative with my usage.

Because, let's face it, no amount of good health is worth doing this every couple of years.